During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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