these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
