I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
