I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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