I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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