Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
