omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
