Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he puts the penis in happiness.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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