you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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