k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
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and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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