Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
