Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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