I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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