he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
