It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The struggles of a small town man whore
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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