I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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