and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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