ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
