that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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