I wannas sexs uuuuu
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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