well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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