HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
