Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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