yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
