Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
