I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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