We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
