I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just google imaged poop.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
