dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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