1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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