he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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