Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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