i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
