There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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