if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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