Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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