can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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