I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
