im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
