I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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