That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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