do herpes really smell.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
