I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
