I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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