Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
