Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
