i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
