i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
