bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
