Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
