I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I want is dick and wine.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
