You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
