Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
