Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
