Kiss
Puke
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
