Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
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U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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