when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
