I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
