just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
