sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need to calm my uterus...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
