Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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