I heard we made out
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
