Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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