by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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