Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
