Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
birth control should be required to get into college
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
