dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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