By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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