State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.