I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.