I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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