brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.