and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
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No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?