I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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