go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my shit smells like andre
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
