i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This is the high leading the old right now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
