woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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