Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
